the wife of his youth

Coke bottle. That’s how some of my high school friends described my body. A coke bottle – All the curves in all the right places. Even then, I didn’t fully believe my body was anything to look at.

It wasn’t until after I had children that I missed and appreciated those curves.

After having children I started to focus on the parts of my body I didn’t like. Like most women after children… the mid-section.

It was the first thing I’d focus on when I got dressed. I remember the day I discovered how well a scarf could hide my post baby bump. There was a time it was the first thing I’d notice on other women – you know, to compare.

Up until recently I had misinterpreted Proverbs 5:18. It says: “May your fountain be blessed and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.”

The wife of his youth was 100 pounds and had every curve in the right place!!! I often read it or thought about and labelled myself a failure.

I remember being in my kitchen doing dishes and talking to God about that verse in Proverbs when I felt to write down all the reasons my husband had fallen in love with me. That list was the wife of his youth!!

It wasn’t my body. It was (and still is) my heart for people. It’s the way I speak my mind – whether he agrees with me or not. It’s how patient I can be with a crowd of kids, and how strong I am.

My husband never said or did anything to make me to think otherwise.

I believe there are many women who have fallen into this trap. The trap that because their bodies have changed so dramatically because of child birth or other circumstances, they have under valued themselves and forgotten who they are – just like I did.

After I wrote out the list of qualities i believe first attracted my husband to me, I began to see myself as THAT wife.

I began to be her again – the one who’s strong, patient and loving. Writing out that list helped me see who I am. It pointed to things I thought I lost. I stopped criticizing my body because I understood that I am more than my body.

That’s how I became the wife of his youth.

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